Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
