I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
