she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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