My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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