So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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