new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
