I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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