Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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