i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
