you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
