Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
