dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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