thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
