My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
