you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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