just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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