I'm going to jail i love you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
