we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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