I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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