so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
