I puked a lego.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
