We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
