if you like me you must not know who I am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
