Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
