This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
