I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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