This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
