Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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