i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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