His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
