I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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