i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
