suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
