Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
