so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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