I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
