I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
