He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
