So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
