Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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