Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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