i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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