my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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