can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
