If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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