May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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