eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
