i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
