oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
