I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When are your genitals available?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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