my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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