i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
